I praise myself at accepting change and jumping into change with both feet, but its the goodbye part of change I struggle with.
Goodbyes to me are extremely hard, I was never good at them. When I said goodbye to my old school last year, I couldn’t stop crying, but was also to prideful and wouldn’t admit I’d miss that place. When I hugged all my first graders goodbye knowing I would never see some of the again, my heart broke. I call it my first true heartbreak. When I said goodbye to my Grandpa I did it with a lot of tears, but was also mad at myself for showing him those tears, because I didn’t want him to feel bad for me. I still tear up thinking about him to this day.
I even get a knot in my stomach when I say goodbye to my friends, my head gets a little foggy for a split second, than it is back to smiles. I just discovered one of my best friends from college is moving back home, back to Hawaii. When she told me, I just went on a rant about how proud I am of her for making that decision, how she’ll do amazing things, and how she’ll love it! I did this because she was just in shambles about it. Stating it as a regret, rather than a triumph. I didn’t want her to know I was going to have a good tear or two as soon as I hung up, I wanted her to not feel bad for me. Trust me, she’ll see the tears at the see ya later, but until then I cherish my time with her.
I constantly am thinking of how hard my goodbye and see ya later are going to be with my current class. This is my first year teaching in a grade where they leave the school for the next year. It’s heartbreaking. I won’t get to see their growth first hand, or see them in the halls for a quick hang in passing, some it’ll be a goodbye but some will be a see ya later. I’ll constantly think about them, their home experiences, their growth. I’ll worry about them, academically and emotionally. I’ll pray their new teachers see the light in their eyes like I do. I’ll pray the ones who I were told “Won’t make it” will, I believe they will. They’ll be phase where I am sad, I’ll think about this class for years to come, I’ll stay in contact with them the best I can. I am excited to see their growth, I will let them go and fly, but I will joyful and proud to watch them fly away to great things they have developed into amazing people, but I’ll be sad to see them go. That is the goodbye part of change that gets me.
With slice of life I feel that same little knot. I met some amazing people through this opportunity. I read some amazing, inspiring, and creative post that have changed me for the better. I became a better and more creative writer through the process, and learned a lot about myself. I am sad to let this challenge go, I’ll miss it for some time, but next year will come, it has changed me, and it’ll be back…it’s just the goodbye for now part that gets me.
Change is great. Reflecting on the growth and triumphs change me. Seeing others success and growth inspire me. Change is great, its the goodbye part that gets me.