Tonight was like any other night. I ran in preparation for my half marathon this weekend. I put some chicken in my crockpot with some Franks hot sauce. Did some masters homework. Baked some brownies. Watched an episode of Stranger Things, and only teared up once! Then, I got ready for bed. Then, my foe crept into my life.
I tried watching Jimmy Fallon, Friends, I journaled, and read but she wouldn’t leave my mind. My foe was back and it was here to stay, insomnia just won’t stay away.
Ever since my sophomore year of college I have struggled with insomnia. The doctors tell me it’s stress induced, but I’m not sure. Yes, I stress and get overwhelmed, who doesn’t, but I’m a “I’ll get it done” thinker most the time.
My insomnia started around the same time my Grandpa was passing away. He honestly was one of my best friends. One of the kindness, hard working, hilarious, intelligent individuals I’ve ever met! Oh, and best pinball player I know. He’d sneak over to my parents house and play for hours while no one was home! We’d know he was there because my Dads beer would be gone and a new high score would be flashing on the screen! But after he passed, my insomnia went crazy, and I mean, why would it not.
It was a terrible thing to have in college. Going to bed late was pretty normal in those days, but not when you had 5am practice, weights, teaching, and class on top of it. There would be nights where I wouldn’t fall asleep and hear my 4:40 alarm go off for practice. The sleepless day would start over. It made me hate my bed sometimes, I’d sleep on the floor, or sometimes on the couch. I wouldn’t even be stressed, but there it was. Creeping in on me, causing me to hate it, becoming my foe. My one and only hate: insomnia.
The doctors told me to try sleeping vitamins, sleeping pills, lavender air diffusers, sleep lotion, mediation, walking, reading, exercise, diets (the whole 30, more like the whole 3), and even heavy duty sleeping pills. The medicine caused my normal nightmares to turn into night terrors, the lavender lotion made my skin crawl, and I discovered diets aren’t for me. Insomnia won again. I found my own, mostly unhealthy, ways to cope. I discovered my love for black coffee, loud music, and exercising. During this time I also learned I can sleep anyway, and like most babies a moving car/plane was best. Thank goodness for travel weekends!
Although, now I can’t just hop on a bus and drive 8 hours. I just have to let it ride. Tomorrow I have to wake up, beat traffic, drink a lot of coffee, and teach a room full of kids. While on little sleep. Thankfully this only happens a couple times a month now.
So tonight, when I should be dreaming of Joey Tribbiani, I’m doing all my best to sleep. I even tried counting sheep. Insomnia is here for the night, and tomorrow I will definitely be a fright.